For the first 2 posts in this series, click here.
Guy friendships can be complicated – it can be tough to know how far into the friendship we can go before travelling down a road that could lead us to having unwanted feelings for each other/being in sinful or tempting situations.
I believe guy friendships are wonderful & important. However, I also believe there’s a balance that we, as Christian girls and young women, need to strive for. We shouldn’t refrain from guy friendships altogether because they’re too complicated, and we shouldn’t have super tight-knit guy friendships who we share everything with, because that can lead to intimacy that neither of us intended for.
What is this balance? Well, it’s different for everyone, and please don’t think I’m trying to force you to legalistically follow these boundaries. In this post, I want to dig into a few ways to have God-honoring friendships with guys. Let’s go!
Hang out With Guys in Groups
It can be easier for feelings to develop for a young fella when we hang out with them one-on-one. Personally, I believe that it’s super important that we focus on hanging out with guys in group settings, where there is a good mix of guys and girls. This will help keep unwanted feelings and tempting/sinful situations from arising.
Evaluate the situations you’re in with guys – are you together alone? Are you both in places where you would be tempted to sin? Strive to promote purity for yourself and for the guys you know. Hanging out with guys in groups helps to keep temptation as well as thoughts/feelings deeper than friendship at bay. No, it won’t necessarily rid us of all temptation and feelings, but it’s an important way to promote your own purity and the purity of your guy friends.
Colossians 3:5-6 // Put to death therefore your members which are on the earth: sexual immorality, uncleanness, depraved passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry; 6for which things’ sake the wrath of God comes on the children of disobedience.
When you’re with guys it can be tempting to be flirtatious to get their attention. However, we are called to honor God in all we do, and flirting puts the attention on us rather than God. Read & think about the following scripture:
Whatever you do, in word or in deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father, through him. – Colossians 3:17 (emphasis mine)
Take a moment to ponder about & evaluate how you are acting around guys – is it the same that you act around your girl friends/family? It might be different in some ways, and that’s ok. But are you always trying to get guys’ attention by being flirtatious, even in subtle ways? I know it’s easy to want attention from guys, as well as to unknowingly flirt. That is why, in every conversation, we must be careful that we are drawing attention to God, not to ourselves.
Philippians 2:3-4 gives us some encouraging truth: “doing nothing through rivalry or through conceit, but in humility, each counting others better than himself; each of you not just looking to his own things, but each of you also to the things of others.” (emphasis mine) We are called to do nothing out of vanity, but to look at others interests before our own. I encourage you to strive to point the guys around you to Christ, not to yourself. Be intentional in all your interactions to honor God.
Don’t Treat Guy Friends Like Your Girl Friends
The dynamics of guy-girl friendships are different from girl-girl friendships. We can tell our close girlfriends everything, and text them everyday without it being weird. However, with guy friends, we must be careful – doing these kinds of things can easily make it seem like we have feelings for a guy, and can create a deeper & unwanted attraction/connection.
When we hang out or communicate with a certain guy often, it communicates that we like them. Evaluate how much you communicate with guy friends. Texting and chatting is totally ok, but be careful. Are you always texting him first? Do you text each other every day? In group settings, do you two always talk together by yourselves? Spur him on to godliness, even if it means communicating less.
Hebrews 10:24 // Let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good works,
Surrender All Guys & See Them as Brothers
Sometimes when you’re friends with a guy, feelings develop. You think this guy is super awesome, but don’t know what to do because he seems to only see you as a friend, or hasn’t made “a move.”
I encourage you to surrender all the guys you know to the Lord in prayer, even if you don’t have feelings for them. Give them wholly to the Lord, and ask Him to help you see them as brothers. 1 Timothy 5:1-2 says: Don’t rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father; the younger men as brothers; the elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, in all purity.
When you surrender guys to God in prayer, it helps you have the right mindset – you’ll remember that you’re both in God’s hands, and that if any guy is meant to be more than a friend, that will happen according to God’s perfect plan.
In a world where guys are put down when they behave like true men, all guys need encouragement. When a guy holds the door open for you or offers to carry something for you, genuinely thank him. Encourage the guys around you to be men, inspiring them with the word of God & words of life.
Proverbs 27:17 says: Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens his friend’s countenance. Strive to sharpen your guy friends, and encourage them in godliness. This is so important and needed!
I hope & pray that this post has been an encouragement to you in navigating guy friendships. Strive to honor God first & foremost in all you do, and uplift the people around you! We are called to be salt & light. 😉
What’re some things you’ve struggled with concerning guy friendships?
Which of these tips was most encouraging to you, and why?
How will you promote godliness to the guys around you?
For my blog post on tips for when you have a crush, click here.